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what [Friday, 02/23/07]
[ mood | mellow ]

sometimes i feel like i'm all alone in this world.
that everyone who say they care/love me, just says it
because they don't want to hurt me. and the people who
do say those things to me, rarely ever show it. and it's
sad because i don't know what else to do. i'm out of ideas
and i really have came to the point to where i just don't
care anymore. i've been wondering lately if the relationships
that i currently are in with different people are fake and
mistakes. not every relationship, just a few. i have learned so
much within the past few months that many of you won't learn
for quite some time. i started talking to someone recently
and have been so happy just seeing them and talking to them.
they're really real, and i'd love to get to know them more.
i just don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt anyone
and i don't want to get hurt. i really just want to run away.
my mind hasn't canged yet, annd i have a feeling it won't
any time soon. i am so confused. school isn't so dumb anymore
though after talking to this person. i look forward to seeing
them everyday. and seeing my best friend, even though i'm afraid
that's falling through because of a relationship he's in. we
never really hang out anymore or talk, outside of school.
but whatever. maybe it's all me. maybe i'm the reason that my
life is this way. annnd i think i'm going to change and start just
being more optimistic about things. i already have. but that's all
for now. it's beautiful outside, and if you're on reading this,
GET OFF. mmhm. bye.

read 2 cmnt

happiness [Tuesday, 01/16/07]
[ mood | tired ]

i'm such a happy girl right now, and no one is getting in the way of that. there are so many fucking assholes in this world, in my home, at seneca. it just gets SO annoying and old and it's like why not fucking be nice to someone and make their day so much better instead of making a smart ass comment or say something that you know can get to them. it just doesn't make any sense. so many people who are like that just make this world the way it is, and it's so messed up. i don't understand at all. it aggravates me and i just want to runaway. but happiness:] yep. i finally found a guy who gives me "that feeling". and it feels amazing. i've usually screwed up things by now in a relationship. i either get afraid and push them away and hope to be just friends or just make up some lame excuse. but not this time. i really care about him and i know he does the same. he makes me so happy, that happiness that i hadn't felt in such a long time, and it feels so good :]i hope this lasts and grows into something more.

what'd you all get on your report cards?
martin gave me a D- in english. i could almost swear he showed me i had a U like a few days before the break. i don't really know. but i'm so glad because i really didn't want to take english over again. omg, the fucking crucible. it's torture.

anyways, enough of school.
just to warn anyone who reads this, i'd think twice before i got in the car with me. hahah, i almost got in like 34958739 wrecks today. and that's JUST today. it's so scary and i don't want anyone of you to die. haha, i'm being completely serious. so, just a heads up.

but yeah, my dad just randomly decided that i can't go to the goo goo dolls and augustana concert feb 9th or 10th or whatev. i'm so fucking mad. i've been looking forward to that for like 3 months now. bullllshit. but whatever. signal fading concert coming up!! YEAHHHH:]lol

this is so long. i'm going to end it now.
i think only like one person actually reads this, but oh well:]


update? [Wednesday, 01/03/07]
[ mood | mellow ]

so i dyed my hair and i HATE it.
it's gross gross gross.
well not totally, i just REALLY miss my hold hair..
it makes me sad.

buuut, other than that my life is pretty okay.
i have a boy who makes me unbelieveably happy:]
i have friends who are so great.
a family who's coming around.
a job, hopefully with kevin:]]
umm, school is gay, but i'm not really expecting
it to be some great place. cause, it's not.
i really hate school, mpore than you'll ever know:]ha

signal fading also helps me get through the days.
i'm being so serious. it's really easy for me to
relate to their lyrics. you have no idea.
umm if you guys are reading this, you all are amazing.
i really really mean that. you guys are so real.

anyone want to help me do my crucible paper?
i will love you forever.

read 1 cmnt

it's true. [Sunday, 12/17/06]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

God, put down your gun, can't you see we're dead?
God, put down your hand, we're not listening
God, put down your gun, can't you see we're dead?
I said, god, put down your hand, we're not listening
Oh, we never were
I want to fuck it up
And I feel so alive.

i get to see my boo tonight.
i'm so glad to have finally found happiness.
no worries or anything at all.
life is sweet.


[Wednesday, 12/13/06]
[ mood | peaceful ]

i'm unbelieveably happy right now.
i hope this happiness stays for a while.

matt tingle,
you are such an amazing guy.

read 1 cmnt

[Monday, 12/11/06]
[ mood | mellow ]

i finally understand
that jesus is like every man
he tells you what you want to hear
you fall in love and
he dissapears.

fucking bastards.
i'm actually pretty happy right
now though, due to a special boy.

finals. christmas.
a lack of money.
annoying bitches.
family fights.
music. poetry.
driving. runaway.
thinking. god.
sick. insomnia.
happiness. sadness.
friends. boys.

=life for the most part.


[Tuesday, 12/05/06]
[ mood | scared ]

i swear i'm so confused.
i never know what's going on anymore.

sometimes i feel like just taking my car
and driving...and not stopping.
i get my license very soon.
five days soon.

i don't really care anymore.
school is pointless and
my family doesn't care and
friends aren't really friends anymore.

i'm just starting to see who
everyone really is and i wish i didn't.
everyone's so wrapped up in fitting in
and being someone who they think people
want them to be. and i honestly admit
i use to be like that, but not anymore.

i do wish i knew who i was though.
nothing makes sense. i don't make sense.
so, if one day you don't hear from me
in a long while or something, you will know..
i'm gone.

sounds so good right now. really.

you fade in and fade out.
but you never leave.
it doesnt make much sense now.

read 4 cmnt

[Tuesday, 11/28/06]
[ mood | content ]

life is getting better.
well, for the most part.
school is still dumb, but who cares, right?

i'm pretty sure i'm going to the +44 concert
tomorrow with matttt. two concerts in one week??
oh, baby.

i think it'd be pretty hard to top the MMJ one though.
super amazing, for sure.

how are your life's going? hopefully SWELL.
leave some love down here or on the myspace.

me and kevin are applying at meijers.
stephen works there.
i hope we get that.
it'd be so much fun:]]
plus i'd be makin some bread.

so it'd be iiight.haha,no.
i'm just finally happy.
hopefully it stays this way for a while.



[Monday, 11/27/06]
[ mood | okay ]

eh, i was in like the weirdest mood all day.
so, i'm sorry if like i was a bitch to you
or didn't talk to you, or whatever.

ever have those days?

anyways, here's my day[school day atleast]:
physics-launched a ball into a cup annnd launched my rocket. a lot of launching going on in that class. my rocket is the best.
english-um i seriously doubt this class could get any more lame. i'm really starting to dislike martin. i use to think he was cool, but he seems too full of himself sometimes. and it's annoying. he needs to smile every once in a while, grow some emotion. you know.
us history-dumb. always is dumb. but the people i sit by are fun:] so that makes up for it. wedgies, asians, borat. the usual:]
journalism/newspaper-umm it's alright. that is all. any ideas on a 'how it works' article? let me know.
theatre-103 question test. no biggie. psh yeah right.
pre-calc-stupid. i really don't like that class. formula sheet? i usually just read but whatever.

that is all.
i didn't go to softball conditioning.
why? because it's dumb.
but i'll be going..soon?

who cares.

then i hung out with matt:]
i like being with him, he makes me laugh.

that is all.
now i'm here.
leave a..comment?


[Sunday, 11/26/06]
[ mood | apathetic ]

what the hell is going on?
does anybody know?
because i have absolutely
no idea. seriously.

read 2 cmnt

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